madeye magpie

kehinki:

steve, if I keep picking you up you’re never gonna walk on your own

nyupanties:

you dont comment on someones weight

y o u d o n t c o m m e n t o n s o m e o n e s w e i g h t

YOU DONT COMMENT ON SOMEONES WEIGHT

Y O U D O N T C O M M E N T O N S O M E O N E S W E I G H T

thesexosaurus:

"Condoms don’t work."

"Your first time is supposed to hurt."

"It’s not really sex if there’s no penetration."

"Girls don’t masturbate."

image

lordbape:

have you ever read a long post and you were like “yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-” in the beginning, and then you’re getting lower and you’re like “eee—oh.. i— hmmmmmmm” and then you get to the end and you’re like “oh nooo lol.. naw lol, nvm no thank u”

themasterslover:

seriously-what-is-my-life:

xanthewalter:

wrong-url-motherfucker:

Government, Monty Python Style

Still brilliantly funny all these years later.

BEST INSULTS

whenever i find monty python casually just on my dashboard i just blink a few times and then get super fucking excited because i don’t see them as much as i’d like to on tumblr

fullmetalfisting:

Some women want to be house wives and some women want to be Harvard professors and some women want to be porn stars and some women want to be nuns and some women want to be surgeons and there is nothing wrong with anyone’s profession I am sick of people being rude to women about their professions oh my god

vanadiumn:

blessedarethewarriors:

demonhamster:

she is SIXTEEN

she also got shot in the HEAD and LIVED

This girl makes me feel good about the world

Well, not all of us are in the same weight class so it is hard to say between Hemsworth and Evans. I think they’re pretty evenly matched. I think it would go to the ground. Then I think it’s me, Ruffalo, and Renner in a quote-unquote three-way in which I lay waste to them with sleeper holds but then we cuddle. And then it is Hiddleston versus Johansson if I am not mistaken. That probably just winds up in dinner at a five-star restaurant somewhere.
Robert Downey Jr. on who would win a battle among the Avengers (via marvelassembles)